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Dear Carl 

I know you. All the things you loved. And I wanted to take a minute to remember the you that wasn’t your illness or your guilt or your mistakes.  You loved gingerbread lattes extra hot. Chorizo…and you had to have a beer when you chopped garlic & chilli. You liked a toast with Woods Rum. You were all EXCLAMATION marks & long text messages…you discovered emojis with a passion for a technophobe but you loved an emoji.  Here was our emoji….🌜🌟🌛 it meant ‘love you to the moon & back’. 

You liked rock. LOUD ROCK. Black Sabbath, Shinedown, Rival Sons, Biffy Clyro, Muse, and you loved Alterbridge. You liked guitars, playing your guitar…singing, gigs. You loved a good rock gig. 

You like real ale. Sunny days & ‘shirts off weather’. You loved your dogs even tho they drove you mad at times. You loved home cooked food, family time, games nights, snuggles on the sofa nights. Holding me close in bed nights. Kissing. Holding my hand. Pub lunches & cosy pub fires. Time just ‘me & thee’ we said.  You loved being loved but you loved back deeply & showed it. You never didn’t text or ring when you said you would.  You liked our sayings, comforts, familiarity. Love.

You. I loved you and all the bits of all the above that made you. All the bits you’ll always be to me no matter where you are now. You’ll always be my first really truly deeply first love, despite our pasts. You showed me love & partnership & I will cherish that to my dying day. My love for you is frozen exactly as it was & will never change no matter the path my life takes. 

Believe me. I knew you. Thank you for giving me the most amazing gift of being loved by you. 

Your girl always 

Caroline ❤